Being Present

My illness has taught me to soak in beautiful moments and to be grateful that I have so much goodness in my life. The 2014 holiday season was one of my favorite so far. That may seem odd, since it’s my first holiday season with a chronic illness, but I assure you it’s the truth. I was fully present while celebrating with loved ones. I didn’t spend much time worrying about what I should do or how things could be better. Instead, I focused on the beauty to be found in my messy, imperfect life.

There is a peace that comes with letting go of the future I’d expected. I have to do a bit of “letting go” every day.  During the holidays, I was reminded that it’s not easy to need a wheelchair to make it through a holiday display. But once I accepted my new reality, I could focus on having fun instead of being upset that I depend on my chair. There are dozens of moments like that each day for me as I learn to live a full life with an illness. And each of those moments present me with the choice to either think about how things could be or to be grateful for the goodness to be found in my new way of life. 

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(Touring the holiday show at a local conservatory with my mom)

I believe that it’s all about perspective. The way I approach life affects what I see. When I think about the time spent with my family as precious and important, it’s much more difficult to spend that time angry about the things I can’t do with them because of my illness. I’m too busy paying attention to someone’s funny story or hugging a loved one to think about what could be. I am present in the moment, even though there are new limitations for me. I refuse to spend unnecessary time focusing on my frustrations, because doing that causes me to miss out on the relationships around me.

I was able to make it through two different trips away from home over the holidays, which is great progress for me! Thanks to my mom and my husband, both of the trips went as well as I could hope. I am currently unable to drive, but I was still able to spend some great time with family. One of the brightest parts of my holiday season was the time I spent with my nephew. I got to cuddle with him, rock him to sleep, and play with him. It was delightful! S and I soaked up all the time we could get with the little guy.

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(Spending time with our nephew was wonderful!)

I realize the excitement of the new year has just about worn off, but I’d like to encourage you to make a 2015 goal for yourself. As for me, I’ll be focusing on being present for the beautiful moments that make up my messy, imperfect life.

Checking In: Thankful Thoughts Week 5

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The last few weeks have been filled with nerve pain, rice packs, my heating pad, and cheesy TV shows. I went to my nurse practitioner yesterday and she started me on a steroid and a muscle relaxer to help with the pain. I haven’t had much energy to write, so for now, a short entry will have to do.

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When I am in pain, I try to focus even more on the goodness in my life. If I don’t spend time doing that, things are much more difficult. So here’s my gratitude list for 2015 thus far:

  • I am grateful for sunshine. Even on the coldest days, I can open my blinds and enjoy the beauty of bright days.
  • I am grateful for rice packs and heating pads. I don’t want to consider how I’d feel without those things.
  • I am grateful for decaf coffee. I can usually drink it, even if I’m a bit shaky. And it brings so much happiness to my day.
  • I am grateful for essential oils, especially OnGuard and Oregano. I am convinced that I would have caught a yucky cold if I hadn’t been vigilant about using them during the holidays.
  • I am grateful that I am home. Yes, I am in pain. And it’s no fun. But I am at home, with my husband, my cats, and heated blankets, not in a hospital. And I cannot take that for granted.

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No matter what you’re dealing with today, please look for the little blessings in your life. I promise it will give you a fresh perspective!