I am a tremendously passionate person. One of the things that matters most to me is living an abundant life and helping other people do the same. At the end of the day, I want the BEST for myself and for the people around me. I want a full life for myself and for the people I love. I want my community to be filled with hope. I want people who feel worthless to know that they are loved, and I hope to be a part of that process. Being off work doesn’t change my passion– it’s not something that can disappear that easily. It is a part of me. If anything, being away from work makes my passion stronger. The isolation that comes with illness makes me appreciate kindness even more.
Life has been busy these past few days. We’ve had loved ones visiting from out of town, and it’s been a whirlwind (in the best way possible). At one point, I looked up and to see my husband, brother-in-law and dear friend sitting around me. I felt overwhelmingly loved in that moment. I didn’t need them to say they care because I didn’t doubt it at all. (Please note that I do think it’s important to tell our loved ones how we feel.) I knew that all three of them would do anything they could to help me, and that means more to me now than it has in a long time.
My health has been up and down this past week. I’ve had some of the best days I’ve had in months, and I have fully enjoyed them. I’ve also had some issues. Yesterday my heart rate ranged from 66bpm to 129bpm, and it changed fairly rapidly. It was scary. I’ve also had lower back pain off and on for 2 weeks (see this blog post). I have ultrasounds scheduled soon to determine if my digestive system is causing the back pain. On the bright side, my new transport chair has allowed me to do things that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to do, like go exploring with my brother-in-law.
Here’s a pic of the transport chair (and me having coffee to celebrate its arrival).
I used to think that living with passion could only be done in a grand way like public speaking or founding an organization. But I’ve learned that I live out my passion and feel most alive in the small moments. I heard about the lives of my loved ones when they came to visit, and I got to share my journey with them. Those moments filled me with joy and purpose. I live with passion when I sit with an angry patient at work and listen to them without judgement. I do it as I write to you from my porch in Indiana. I live with passion when I become involved in my neighborhood or give food to someone in need. I can only live with passion when I am fully present. If I am distracted by the housework that needs to be done or I fixate on what I think someone did wrong, I am unable to live with passion. My illness has caused me to focus more on what happens to me during each moment. And it has given me the gift of reminding me to be fully present so that I can live my purpose.